Ex is dating another

I wore a slinky silk dress and intentionally went to the party alone, to force myself to mingle.I ended up in a long conversation with an older, seemingly early-50s cardiologist.I’m pretty sure I’ve never felt more gay than while watching him fasten the leather strap around his un-manicured balls.When I recounted this story to my best friend over a PTSD brunch the next morning, she—ever the competitor—immediately informed me of the time she slept with an older guy who, after he came, had to put on a full-face oxygen mask “to keep him alive.” She never lets me win.Not to mention that once they hit 30, almost all of them have back hair.To make the situation worse, the doctor then took out a cock ring from his bedside table, which he informed me was necessary for him to stay hard.When I woke up from that nap, I downloaded Tinder.“How bad could it be? Funnily enough, despite Tinder’s reputation as a hook-up app, most people don’t want to meet soon after matching, but rather engage in hours of meaningless texting—about the latest trendy food hybrid, about how Brooklyn is so expensive—which is something I can’t stand doing with friends, let alone strangers.But eventually, I matched with a handsome enough 30-something who was OK with skipping the small talk.

Something I’ve learned over the years is that a lot of men have trouble dealing with rejection.

The thing about older men is, they rarely look good. When women gain a few pounds, they just become more pillowy and fun to cuddle.

But men gain weight in all the wrong places; they look like pregnant trolls.

But an hour later, walking into the specified bar in the West Village, I immediately understood why people take the time to screen each other via text.

Tinder guy turned out to be two of my worst fears combined: a short actor.

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