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We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.
Because this process is largely unconscious, we often blame our partner for the relationship’s failed outcome.
But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.
To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process.
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1) Defenses Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships.
With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended.
If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection.It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up.As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.2) Unhealthy Attractions When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners.You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead, you seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past.You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant.